Favorite Books: Beauty Queens

I am a huge fan of Libba Bray. The woman is hilarious, slightly morbid, and totally my type of person. Which is why it makes me sad when feminists everywhere
Beauty Queens Cover overlook Ms. Bray’s novel Beauty Queens as one of the greatest feminist novels out there.

What’s it about? The fifty contestants of the Miss Teen Dream beauty contest get in a plane crash and land on a deserted island. Not many survive. We have a feminist who wants to bring down the contest, a win-at-all-costs Indian Valley Girl, an African American pre-pre-Med student, a secret wild girl, a transvestite, a blonde, a lesbian former delinquent, a bi hard-of-hearing dancer, a pageant princess, and a couple of supporting girls. All have their own views. Their own problems they don’t want to discuss. And they’re all being forced, in one way or another, to follow what society expects of them.

But on this island, stripped of that society, they start to break those chains.

And of course, let’s not forget the Commercial Breaks. Or the very hot, very bodacious pirates with oiled pecs. Or the other things—agents, warlords, quicksand, psychedelic berries, volcanoes, guns, piranhas, maxi pads and hairspray. All brought to you with an abundance of satire by The Corporation, “Because Your Life Can Always Be Better.”

Whether or not you support modern feminism, this is a book I believe every chick ought to read. It’s a great lesson on what feminism should really be, besides being frakkin’ hilarious!


Dear Guys Stuck in the Friend Zone (Nice Guys)

I’ve encountered and turned down far too many of you. Why? Because being nice isn’t enough. Sorry.

You know what’s really annoying about those of you I’ve met? I turn you down, you keep asking. I break up with you, you tell me how much you miss me. I stopped caring, and you’re only making yourselves look pathetic, whiny and needy.

Why? You’re too nice. There’s a reason why girls go for the bad boy. The kind of guy who asks for things, but gives nothing. First, he looks like more of a man than the Nice Guy, who lets us walk all over him. Second, because he gives nothing, he forces us to give more, and according to psychology we’re all more likely to love those we give things or do favors for. And the Nice Guys get taken for granted, because they’re always there, no matter what we do or say to them. They don’t set clear limits. They don’t say they’ve had enough. They just keep on being nice, and hoping one day she’ll realize that she’s loved him all along.

Sorry. This ain’t a fairy tale. You want her to like you more? Make her do some of the work. Tell her no. Don’t drop everything for her. Recognize that you’re a person, too, and you deserve to be treated better. If it comes to that, walk away. Stop letting her walk all over you.

If she tells you no, drop it. Don’t keep bugging her and NEVER, EVER pressure her, because I can almost guarantee she’ll hate you for it.

Another reason nice guys fail: how many of them sit at home and spend the entire day playing video games? Don’t get me wrong, video games are awesome. But there’s more to life than that. Why would a girl want to date a guy who’s contributing nothing to society? He’s the new generation of a bum.

So, dear nice guys, have some self-respect, because chicks dig it when you stand up for yourself, and when you contribute something to the world (although there are many out there just waiting to be asked to play a video game with you). And we really like it when you have the guts to ask us out, even if we have to turn you down for some reason. If you get turned down, so what? There are plenty of other girls out there hoping a great guy like you will ask them out. Be awesome!

Finally, note that this is opinion, backed only by facts read off of a psychology blog, and my own observations. And, as my whopping 2.5 relationships have been failures, I am in no way qualified to give dating advice. I just pretend.

Thank you, and have a wonderful day full of awesomeness that you create.

Mormon Rant: Beauty and Young Women

My fellow Latter Day Saint women,

When did we become preoccupied with being beautiful? Let’s be honest—the majority of us will never win beauty contests. Who cares? Of all the attributes that can be found in us, there are so many more important things than our physical beauty and the clothes we wear (i.e, Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, Choice and Accountability, Good Works, Integrity and Virtue).

I’m sorry, but I’m so sick of Young Women leaders telling all the girls how beautiful they are. (Don’t even try to excuse it by saying you mean beautiful on the inside.) Some of us aren’t beautiful, and we know it. We shouldn’t have to inhale the message that we have to be from our own leaders. Why can’t we be called strong or intelligent, instead? Spiritual? You don’t hear the Young Men leaders calling the boys handsome, do you?

And if I ever have to do another craft, I think I’m going to vomit. I hate crafts. And yet, that and playing sports like volleyball and softball were the majority of my Young Women activities. Sure, sports are good, but you’re further embarrassing those of us who spent our PE classes getting hit in the face with the ball. The boys get to go rock climbing and shooting. Why can’t we? I’m so sick of being told what is and isn’t appropriate for a young lady.

My fellow women, it’s fine to not be all that beautiful. It’s not all that it’s cut out to be. All I’ve gotten for being even remotely pretty is a long line of over-emotional wronged Romeos who don’t get that I’m not interested, and the other guys who are too scared to ask me out, and still others who like me until they see what’s beneath the surface. And there’s so much more to life than what we see.

Dear Women

If you want a guy to treat you like a queen, why don’t you stop treating him like your slave? Your enemy? Your potential rapist/abuser?

Women are not superior to men. They are not inferior to men. Nor do they need to be the precious little porcelain dolls for a man to protect. We’re equals.

If a guy isn’t allowed to hit you or yell at you, why are you allowed to do it to him? If you can say no, he can too. If you want to be strong and take care of yourself, don’t expect him to always protect you.

If you want him to understand you, why don’t you try understanding him first? If you want respect, try giving it.

And furthermore, ladies, stop wasting your time being “in love” with fictional characters and then complain about being single. Please. It’s just embarrassing.

(I recognize that all women aren’t like this just as I, myself, am not.)