Grammar Nazism: A Wonderful Pastime

Ah, the English language! What a fantastic thing! It gives us the words through which we can express ourselves eloquently!

N den u get dis—a perversion. A horror.

My brothers and sisters, I stand before you today to speak on a subject of vital importance to English speakers everywhere. Its endangerment. A mortal threat to the very words we use every day.

This threat has a name. Text talk. The blatant rape of everything our language is.

I, myself, have on occasion partaken of this horror in order to conserve space while writing on my cell phone. There. I’ve admitted the crime—the most horrid of sins. But, my brothers and sisters, let me tell you this. I could hear my brain cells screaming out in pain as they were brutally murdered by the thousands. That’s why I can stand before you now, and say with complete certainty, that the way of text talk lies error and sin. Damnation.

Will we, the users of the English language, stand for this atrocity? Will we allow our children to be subjected to this filth—this vulgarity? Let me tell you right now, I won’t, brothers and sisters. Because I know that God smiles on those who speak their language properly. And he can smile on you, too, for a small contribution to the Grammar Nazi foundation. This isn’t me you’re giving this money to, brothers and sisters, it’s God, so that the sinning text talkers around the world may come to know the error of their ways and take his hand.

Okay, I’d better stop while I’m behind, there. Moral of the story, save the gray matter and spread the wholesome goodness of complete sentences!


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